Washington, DC- President Trump had been tweetwarno-ing this event for weeks now. We spoke with the President on this matter.
This report was delayed as President Trump only agreed to speak with us at 0300. "I see London, I see France, I see some Syrian's underpants." Said the President. His speech slurred and cringing. "It's not about money... it's about sending a message. Everything burns!"
When asked about the overall strategic plan of the attacks, he said "Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing vag. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just...DO things."
While some may be startled at these events, we at Grumpy Joes are pumped for the incoming deployment money.