Washington, D.C.- Appliances across the country still haven't forgotten the sacrifices of their foremodels. In the early 70's, you couldn't make it two blocks without getting ID checked by the secret oven police. Native American Veteran, Nathan Phillips, was a hero then as a Refrigerator Mechanic. Mechanic being code at the time for killer.
COL Maytag confirmed earlier today that PVT Phillips fought valiantly in his platoon "That man was a straight up chiller. We would not be standing here today, as free men and women, in air-conditioned buildings without his bravery."
January 25th will forever be remembered in his honor. "May the refrigerators never forget their place in the food chain."
-Nathan Phillips, probably.