By Thom Sullivan
Fort Benning, GA. -In a controversial statement made earlier this week, representatives from the United States Army Infantry School announced a two month extension to training received by new Soldiers entering the Army, whose career choices were obviously limited by their piss-poor ASVAB scores.
"We think that infantry soldiers need to be more lethal," LTC. Bradwick Hopper, Assistant Commandant to the Infantry School at Benning said, "We need to lean into this and accept the battlefield is ever changing," seemingly unaware of President Donald Trump's announcement that the future of warfare has very little to do with the infantry.
"The initiative here is to rack and stack Soldiers into follow-on training that maximizes their potential and so forth," said MAJ Robert Smalling, the PAO of the 198th Infantry Brigade at Benning. Beads of sweat rolled down his cheek, though it was unsure whether it was because he was furiously bluffing having any knowledge of this decision at all, or because he believed this was another expensive boondoggle that sought to pull funds away from the foundation of the United States Space Force.
Critics of the decision have been vocal in pushing back for a variety of reasons, "The longer those dumb fucks spend in the training environment, the more likely they are to buy a car they can't afford." said SFC Brian Wheeler in an exclusive interview with GrumpyJoesHQ.com. LTC Ryan Walters heard the complaint, but attributed that to that Army's unique culture, but yet had other concerns, "Frankly, as a Signal guy, I just oppose anything that gives those gorillas anything to brag about. Nothing would make me happier to know that in two-hundred years the United States Army Infantry School has the same cultural impact as the Balloon Corps."
The extended AIT for Infantry Soldiers is set to start in December, it's place in history to be inevitably lost by time with the advent of America's ascension to the stars.